We Love in Vain Narcissistic
by Punk Rock Emo Princess
Summary: I let it consume me. Now there's nothing left.


**We Love in Vain Narcissistic**

_I let it consume me. Now nothing's left._

**Neither HM or Marilyn Manson are mine**

**(that would be kinky though** ;)** )**

**Rated M**

**Slight Loliver**

_*****_

**October 7, 2009: **_I updated and edited this quite a bit from the original I put up over a year ago. It might be worth taking a look at, if anyone's interested._

_*****_

**hahahahahaha.**

**Okay, I've never written something like this, but I really like it, even if its insanely morbid. And please, if you don't want to read about our little Ollie Oken describing the world of drugs. DON'T READ.**

**I didn't really want to rate this any higher then T, since the language is very mild, and there's no sex scenes, but it revolves around drugs, and at the end there's a character death, so I figures I might at well.**

_*****_

_The drugs they say make us feel so hollow  
We love in vain narcissistic and so shallow  
The cops and queers to swim you have to swallow  
Hate today, no love for tomorrow_

Once you're in-

There's no way out.

_We're all stars now in the dope show_

I can remember it clearly. My first taste of poison. I was naïve and wanted nothing more than to do something that would make my parents squirm.

They were extreme conformists who never broke the law. Really, my mom was above the law. And they wanted everything to be perfect for me.

Perfect by their definition.

I hated them so much.

They never let me breath.

They never let me do anything.

I was their dress up doll. Not a son.

_We're all stars now in the dope show_

It was out of pure spite.

That caused me to take my first hit the last day of my freshman school year.

And the next.

And the next.

And all the ones after that.

I loved the feeling it gave me.

I felt so free. So happy.

Marijuana was my cure to much anger. So many lies and made up tales.

And after a while, all I ever looked forward to was getting my hands on the magical plant.

Because with it, everything felt right. Nothing could go wrong.

But it did.

Of course, because to every story, isn't there a conflict?

_There's a lot of pretty, pretty ones  
That want to get you high  
But all the pretty, pretty ones  
Will leave you low and blow your mind_

Miley hated me for it.

She thought it was disgusting. She told me it was stupid.

She didn't understand.

Lilly.

Lilly never really liked it. But she didn't drop me for it. She didn't judge.

Because,

Secretly, she wanted the escape to.

_We're all stars now in the dope show_

I brought her with me, once. I wanted to her to try it.

I paid for the goods.

With money I stole from my mom.

And my dad.

I remember being really pissed at them that night.

They'd yelled at me for something stupid. Like a failed class. Or detention.

I couldn't remember. Those things became more and more common. School didn't matter; college? Who cares? I didn't know what I wanted in the future.

All I do know is, I wanted to let go.

I was so sick of their judging and supposedly "perfect life style". I wanted to forget.

And that's exactly what I did.

But I forgot Lilly along with it.

_We're all stars now in the dope show_

I don't know if she ever did try it.

And if she did. Was it just as amazing as I told her it was?

No.

Because I never talked to her after it.

She was still around. So don't go around thinking I dropped her off on the doorstep of fate. Just yet.

But something was defiantly different.

It's almost like she's not there anymore.

Oh, she did yell at me that night.

I never got a word in my defense though.

I just don't remember what she said.

Who can blame me? I barely remember anything about that night.

_They love you when you're on all the covers  
When you're not then they love another_

If I'd stopped at marijuana. I might've been able to go back. Pick up the pieces.

Restore my friendship.

But that's the thing.

Hardly anyone ever just stops at pot.

They get the craving.

The craving for an out of world experience. A trip away from reality.

That all they want is to forget reality.

And for most.

Weed ran dry.

After a year and a half.

That's when it no longer did it for me.

No matter how much I smoked.

It did nothing. Except make me sick of it.

I wanted something new.

_The drugs they say are made in California  
We love your face  
We'd really like to sell you  
The cops and queers make good-looking models  
I hate today  
Who will I wake up with tomorrow?_

Heroine. Cocaine. Crystal. LSD. Shrooms.

Oh my.

And so much more.

I lost my mind.

_There's a lot of pretty, pretty ones  
That want to get you high  
But all the pretty, pretty ones  
Will leave you low and blow your mind_

I couldn't stay in one place.

I moved to San Francisco.

The city were it all started.

I worked for a dealer.

I was only 16.

_They love you when you're on all the covers  
When you're not then they love another_

One day.

I was at a party.

And I saw her.

Miles away from home.

She didn't recognize me.

But if she hadn't been using. She probably would have.

I became obsessed with her.

I followed her where ever she went.

Whether she was sober of not.

High or low.

She didn't know who I was.

Until one night.

She looked me in the eyes.

And she knew.

She cried and left the party.

Or so I thought.

I found her in the bathroom.

She'd fatally OD'd.

Off what.

I never found out.

It didn't matter.

My Lilly.

Lilly was gone.

Because of me, and the one thing keeping me there.

_There's a lot of pretty, pretty ones  
That want to get you high  
But all the pretty, pretty ones  
Will leave you low and blow your mind, blow your mind_

I couldn't take it.

I didn't want to end up like my Lilly.

Drugs didn't mean anything.

Not anymore.

I wanted out.

_We're all stars now in the dope show_

And that's why I'm here.

Watched closely by men in white. everything controlled.

I don't want it to consume me any more.

_We're all stars now in the dope show_

_*****_

**Hmm... did anyone ever expect to see a Marilyn Manson Hannah Montana story, huh?? Probably not.**

**Please don't hate me for making Oliver the way I did.**

**lawl. It's a fanfic. deal with it.**

**PunkRockEmoPrincess7/StillStanding**


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